I recently uploaded a photo of me when I was 16 onto Facebook. Ironically, it became the most liked thing that I've ever uploaded, and for a lot of people, it was the first they knew of my overweight past.
I was surprised though. I talk about my weight loss a lot. For two reasons, firstly because I'm proud of my weight loss, but secondly, cos from a whole psychological aspect, in my head I'm still overweight.
I know some of you just laughed out loud.
See, whilst I may be 11 stone now, as opposed to the 15/16 that I used to be, there's always that worry in the back of my head that I'm going to somehow end up back in that state.
I'm a whiny bitch when it comes to food. I'm ridiculously picky, and there aren't really any healthy snacks/meals that I actually like. I do like banana's and apples though (don't make the obvious joke.)
The people who are close to me will know how sporadic my diet is. One day I could eat a full pizza feast. topped with Ben & Jerry's, and that's not counting the five or six latte's I may have had earlier in the day.
There's also those days where I'll drink about 20 glasses of water, and probably have three packs of breakfast biscuits to last me.
It's really weird.
You don't often see the angle of the male in the mainstream media when it comes to weight and body shaming. And that is a... shame. I loved pop music growing up, I always wanted to be in a boy band, and I always wanted the lifestyle that came with it. As such, I felt so ridiculously pressured to lose weight, build a bit of muscle, dress better etc etc.
And I did all those things.
I suppose there isn't really a huge point to this post. It's just come about cos recently people think it's absolutely ridiculous when I say I'm unhappy with my body image etc. - I just want to say that I am aware that I am a healthy size. But, sometimes, like anyone, I can be unhappy with the way I look.
A lot of people have also pointed out my vanity over the past few months. And that's fine, I'm very open about the fact that I'm possibly one of the most vain people you're ever going to meet. But, I'd much rather be that guy who looks in the mirror all the time cos he's proud of how he looks, as opposed to that guy who never looks in the mirror cos he's ashamed of it.
A long time ago I wrote about my weight loss journey. You can read that HERE. I'll be writing a more honest, updated version soon.
P.S That song I embedded above is something special. Like, really special.